Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless MarriageDr Andy Attwood says that 17 per cent of married people live in a “sexless marriage”, which means that they have sex 10 times a year, or less .

And that, he says, is far from being a ‘huge and monstrous marriage buster’.

Dr Attwood has spent his professional life helping couples through marriage-busting stresses, and he says that sexless marriage is ‘truly normal stuff for a couple to be dealing with’.

Writing in his book Hopeful Solutions for Your Sexless Marriage, he says that he treats ‘the struggle you are having with your sexless marriage as a challenge facing both you and your partner’.

“Everyone struggles with their sexuality off-and-on… but as you deal with your [tag]sexless marriage[/tag] you will grow up, you will become more mature, and you will become a healthier person.”

And this is one of the surprises of this book. Somehow, Dr Attwood manages to subtly defuse the sexual bomb from the threat hanging over life, the universe and the marriage, and replaces it with a focus on innocent, charming, easy steps to fulfilment.

Not that he belittles the importance or the place of sex in a healthy marriage, but he slots it into the bigger picture in a way that seems perfectly normal and comfortable.

This is not a book about technique… it’s a book about perspective. And that is a far more valuable place to live.

Its consequences can then color your experiences in a much broader range of pursuits, which gives a more stable and satisfying base for enjoying life.

It also takes the pressure off ‘performance’… and subconsciously, we all know that we tend to perform better when we’re playing than when we’re under pressure.

While he covers a vast range of what he calls ‘mechanical deficiencies’ and how to repair them, Dr Attwood also treats emotional roadblocks and detours.

Common running repairs include attention to unfulfilled desire, suspicions of being gay, ‘official’ medical disorders, erection problems and premature ejaculation, control issues battering libido, and the ubiqitous self image and self esteem issues.

But then he throws in a few curve balls, such as:

  • Are you addicted to romance? If so, you are in trouble.
  • The idea that we can be in a relationship in love, and then automatically live happily ever after, is utter nonsense.

And Q&As include:

  • What do you do when you are getting signals from your partner that he or she isn’t happy with your sexual relationship?
  • And what do you do if your desire, or your partner’s desire, seems to come and go?

If sex is not fulfilling the role in your marriage that you want it to, the slap to the side of the head that this book delivers might help. It’s written in a light-hearted way, but there’s steel in the slap. If you’re wondering about the sexual side of your marriage, you’ll probably benefit from reading Hopeful Solutions.

I should mention that there was a hiccup with the ordering system when I bought this book, but Andy was quick to respond to email. So if he hasn’t got it fixed, do the same. It’s also a way of testing out the free email consultations he gives with purchase!
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