Second Wedding Planning

By Georgie Maddison - Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

Second wedding planning can get far more complicated that it needs to be.

Here’s the bottom line: second time brides and grooms are older and wiser than they were first time around. For that reason alone, forget ‘the rules’ – there are no rules!

Second wedding ideas should suit the people involved. If that means eloping or having an extravagant church marriage ceremony because you missed out before, go for it. And equally, a quiet private ceremony with close friends and the family you care about, is just as valid as a [tag]themed wedding party[/tag] on an exotic island.

Before I give you 10 Top Second Wedding Ideas and 11 Great Ideas to Strengthen Your Second Marriage, let me dispose of the few perennial second wedding etiquette ideas that make people edgy:

The bride should not wear white – white is the color of a new beginning; orange blossom represents purity and innocence… so a white wedding is perfectly acceptable.
Who pays for a second wedding – the couple.
Who gives away the [tag]second time bride[/tag] – nobody; having already been given away, she is now an independent person. Ditto on the second wedding invitations – they come from the couple, not the parents.
Should there be wedding gifts or a wedding gift register – it’s your wedding, so your choice. Wedding gifts were originally designed to help set the newly-married couple up in their new household, and with second wedding planning the odds are you don’t need another toaster. That said, there does seem to be an upward trend in giving second wedding gifts, often books like those listed below, or ‘experiences’.
Should you tell your ex-spouse you’re marrying again – if you want to. There’s no requirement to do so, although it may be something your children would like to do.
And speaking of children – it’s a great idea to have them involved wherever you can – on the invitations, in the marriage vows, during the ceremony and reception makes it more meaningful for all of you, and helps cement the new family unit.

Those are probably the biggest bugaboos of [tag]second wedding planning[/tag]. So now let’s move on to some [tag]second wedding ideas[/tag] that are sure to add sparkle to your special event.

10 Top Second Wedding Ideas

Invite guests to a birthday party or holiday get-together and then spring your wedding on them: “We’re getting married today! Right here, right now.” This type of wedding appeals to second time brides and couples who want family and friends in attendance, but prefer to avoid the rituals that lead up to a customary wedding.

If you don’t know how to include all your female friends and relatives in your second wedding, try this. Have all the women you want included to sit on the ends of the pews, and when you enter, they all stand up in the aisle, holding a flower. As you walk down the aisle, they each hand you their flower, making up your bouquet. When you reach the end of the aisle, have someone special – your children? – come forward and tie a big tulle bow around the flowers.

A photo scavenger hunt – split the wedding party into two groups, one with the bride (wearing a “Kiss the Bride” t-shirt?) and the other with the groom. Provide a list and a digital camera, and have them to search for items in the area around the reception locality… but insist that they all have to be in each picture.

Second marriages merge family and friends in a way first marriages often don’t. With children present, the wedding ceremony becomes the proclaiming of a new family. One way to incorporate the acceptance of a blended family is to insert a small tribute during the ceremony and have the couple’s children join them at the altar. Special touches can be added to include children in the proceedings, and the gesture recognizes the fact that all are becoming a new family.

A deviation from tradition is appropriate in second wedding planning, especially if you did the full church process the first time. Perhaps use an aisle runner in one of the wedding colors – a dramatic blue or purple perhaps, or special vows each writes alone and not shared until the ceremony itself.

If the idea of cramming your feet into totally uncomfortable wedding shoes appals you, why not wear something comfortable that suits your personality – a pair of favorite white sneakers with silver on them to match your bridesmaid’s shoes, and wear them to the wedding and reception.

Destination weddings can double as a vacation for everyone who attends. Invite family and close friends to a location of your choice, generally a vacation spot, where the ceremony and reception take place. If you wish, plan group activities during the weekend of the wedding, such as dinners, visiting local attractions or attending sporting events.

Instead of having the guests clink glasses to get us to kiss, any time someone stood up to sing a few lyrics from a love song, we had to kiss. The guests really got into it, and whole tables of guests would sing together. Lots of fun!

The lighting of the candles where all members of the new family light the candle can be a great experience. If one (or both) former spouses died, a memorial candle can also be included by having the children light this one as well.

Second wedding planning often includes many people who have touched the couple’s lives, so why not include them and tell them how you feel without taking up a bunch of time during the reception? Make an insert and put it inside the programs, with personalized notes to all family members as well as close friends. It’s a great way to say all the things you normally wouldn’t and it’s a memorable stroll down memory lane that they can take home as a keepsake.

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