Is marriage for you? Or, would you rather choose not to marry?

Perhaps you’re not alone. After a surge in the 1960s and 1970s, it appears the 2000s may be hosting the next wave of couples choosing to live as man and wife without an official marriage certificate.

That includes an important weakening of the normative imperative to marry, to remain married, to have children, to restrict intimate relations to marriage, and to maintain separate roles for males and females.

And this pattern of deciding to live together rather than marry is not restricted to 20-something social idealists – it spans age groups, demographics and cultures. And has little to do with the pockets of men or women found in mining or resort communities which tend to attract more of one sex to permanent residence.

Here are 10 of the more frequently-given reasons for choosing not to marry:

  • as a protest at discrimination against gay and lesbian couples
  • black women place greater emphasis on having economic supports in place prior to marriage and are more resistant to marrying someone who has fewer resources
  • marriage increases stress for women. The changing role of women in society and increased reproductive control have given women greater choice about the direction of their lives, including more freedom to make deliberate decisions about marriage.
  • a 2003 AARP survey of 3,500 single Americans aged 40-69, found that just eight percent cited finding someone to marry as their reason for dating, while 49 percent said they were looking for someone to talk with or do things with — in other words, a companion.
  • marriage is a patriarchal institution so we [tag]choose not to marry[/tag].
  • studies in demographic history indicate that, in previous eras, women in western societies routinely choose to remain single and childless whenever economic crises or wars eroded their marriage market prospects. Never-married mothers are a relatively recent demographic phenomenon
  • the trend away from marriage mirrors trends in broader social issues, such as socialization values, religious beliefs, political allegiances, and support for civil liberties
  • against the intertwining of church and state in marriage.
  • a poor supply of men with stable earnings
  • a variety of emotional reasons why committed couples choose to stay unwed.

So – if that’s the case, is choosing not to marry a good idea?

Marion Willetts presented a paper at the 2006 annual meeting of the American Sociological Association in Montreal, Canada, called “Union Quality Comparisons Between Heterosexual Licensed Domestic Partners and the Legally Married”.

She said that her studies indicated that licensed partners enjoy the same levels of union quality on all dimensions as do married partners.

“Prior cohabitation experience and the number of children residing with the respondent negatively affect the union quality of all respondents on all dimensions, whereas prior marital experience negatively affects relationship satisfaction and the frequency at which partners/spouses spend time alone together,” she said.

“Licensed partners and the legally married are affected similarly by relationship stressors such as union duration, prior cohabitation and marital experience, and the number of children residing with the respondent.

“These results suggest that licensed partnerships are indistinguishable from legal marriage, which may further erode the cultural aura legal marriage enjoys as the ultimate method of coupling.”

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