A friend received the dreaded breakup call last night – “By MSN, of all things!” she exploded. “And he kept me waiting for an hour and a half while he went and ate dinner.”

Having just returned from a week away that included having to spend time with an estranged dating couple – wrap your mind around that imagery! – I can’t say I had a lot of patience.

Here we have two cases of love gone bad. Well, not necessarily bad. Just over. And those involved either ignoring the fact or not willing to entertain reality.

Here’s the deal: Romance does not last forever!

Sorry if that’s a shock, but it’s true. Accept it now, or set yourself up for a lot of hurt.

Now I know as well as the next person just how powerful is hope. It can truly be a life-saving emotion. Prisoners of war survive on hope. It can also be a life-destroying emotion. Prisoners of love impale themselves on it.

Look at those two examples of lost love and fruitless hope.

She not only knew the breakup was coming – the previous week’s behaviour had given a pretty clear indication – but she was so unwilling to accept reality that she actually hung on the end of a chat keyboard for an hour and a half waiting for him to come back and sink the knife deep into her heart.

Surely that’s hope gone feral? Pain? Gimme more!

Or the estranged daters. He was working overseas and she was a local. They booked their holiday to go home to meet his friends and family when everything was rosy.

But that was a long time before the trip. In the meantime, their relationship had worn off all the soft edges so that whenever they connected it was like flint sparking off steel.

Instead of cancelling or rearranging the holiday before they killed one another, they stuck to their plans and went anyway. With the result that they alienated just about everyone they came into contact with.

Come on people. Get real. When you’re dating there’s a sequence of events or stages you pass through – from the googly-eyed to the edge of the earth. (At the edge you either ascend to heavenly bliss or drop off the planet – your choice.)

How far you travel along that spectrum depends on the chemistry of the individuals involved. Green fizz – go. Red fizz – abort. Get it wrong and you condemn your little world to Purgatory.

If you enjoy Purgatory, emulate the couples in this story.

If you’d rather enjoy life, accept reality. Tuck hope away in your heart by all means, but don’t wield it like the only weapon you’ve got. The only punch it packs will come back to haunt you. Long after the breakup.

Michael Webb’s Relationship Collection gives more straightup advice. Or maybe you’d do better with 50 Secrets Of Blissful Relationships or direct instructions on how not to break up.

Either way, we’re talking about an activity that’s been around since Adam and Eve. Wherever you are, someone’s been there before. And odds are, there are some dating secrets or breakup advice available that covers exactly what you could do with right now. Go fish.

Valentine Poems Just The Start

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Tagged with: breakup call • fruitless love • lost love • love gone bad • prisoners of love

Filed under: Relationships

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